We went camping…and I cried a lot…

by Lindsey on June 29, 2014

in Infertility

This weekend we went camping, and while we had a seriously awesome time with Jut’s siblings and our nieces, it also simultaneously tore my heart to shreds.

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Because the thing about infertility is, no matter how much fun you might be having, no matter how many other things you have going on around you, you’re still always thinking about infertility.

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You may be sitting around a campfire with your husband and brothers-in-law, telling stupid stories and having a great time, but you’re also seething with jealousy of your sisters-in-law, who are in their cabins, snuggling their babies to sleep.

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You may be sitting in a restaurant about to enjoy a meal with some of your favorite people on the planet, when you suddenly realize you’re the only wife at the table who isn’t chasing a toddler, or coloring on a placemat, or sharing whatever you can find on your plate that your child is willing to eat.

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You may be watching your husband play t-ball with your niece and on the outside you’re laughing so hard when she almost whacks him in the face, but in your mind, you’re bawling because you are watching how awesome of a father he would be, and you can’t make it happen for him.

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Infertility isn’t this thing that only hurts when you’re having a bad day. It isn’t this thing that you can just put to the back of your mind and go on with your life. It isn’t this thing that is easy to live with simply because you have faith that it will happen eventually.

Infertility is this thing that effects every second of every day of my life. It’s this thing that makes me unbelievably sad, even on days that are filled with a million happy moments.

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katelin June 30, 2014 at 5:16 pm

I couldn’t agree with you more on this, infertility doesn’t just go away, ever. With the slew of baby showers I’ve been to lately and the friends with little kids, it’s been on my mind even more lately. Sometimes we just have to cry it out and keep moving forward. Here for you friend if you need to chat xo

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