so, yea.

by Lindsey on March 6, 2015

in Infertility, J&L Get Through Tough Stuff, J&L Start a Family

If you follow me on Facebook or Twitter, you probably already know what happened, but here is the full rundown.

Jut and I spent last weekend in Cleveland, and we knew going into it that it could potentially be the weekend we would find out we’re pregnant. Sure enough, I woke up Saturday morning and took two positive pregnancy tests. We were completely ecstatic, and all I could do all day was say “Hey Jut, I’m pregnant.” and he would respond “Hey Linds, I know!”. We were literally in utter euphoria.

Sunday I went to my fertility office for bloodwork to confirm. Got a call a couple hours later with the “Congratulations! You’re pregnant! Your HCG is 41.7, and we’ll test again in two days.” I literally responded “YAY!!!”

I spent the rest of Sunday and Monday telling my close friends and family. I knew I was going to be open about it early, because I didn’t want to be public about the journey, but then hide the actual event. I planned to announce the good news to the Internet on Tuesday, after we had a chance to tell Justin’s siblings in person.

Those two days gave me all. the. feelings. I was so nervous, yet so excited, yet so scared and ready at the same time. I felt like I was making it up every time I said it out loud, but I couldn’t wait to scream it at the top of my lungs. I couldn’t believe it happened on our first round of Letrozole, and I couldn’t believe it finally happened after 23 months of trying.

Then Tuesday morning I had my HCG Beta checked again, and it dropped to 19.2.

My coordinator at RHS called and said “I wish I had better news. You are no longer pregnant.”

They’re calling it a biochemical pregnancy, which basically means we fertilized an egg, it started to implant, and then it just stopped. There’s no reason, there’s nothing we could have done to change it. It just stopped. Apparently it’s really common, but most women don’t even realize it, because if you’re not going through fertility treatments, you’re probably not paying as close attention. My acupuncturist actually thinks this isn’t the first time it happened, but we didn’t notice the first time because my cycles were so messed up.

My next cycle has started, so I went back to RHS this morning to have my HCG checked again. They want me to start right back up on the Letrozole, but need to make sure it’s back down to normal first. It’s currently 3.3, so I’m waiting for the official go-ahead before starting the meds again on Sunday. This week has been harder than we could have ever imagined, but we know it’s a step in the right direction that we were even able to conceive, so we both agreed we’re ready to move on and try again.

So, that’s that. We were pregnant, and now we’re not. It sucks, but we’re okay.

And if nothing else, this week was just another reminder that we have the most absolute, very best, super amazing, supportive, and loving group of friends and family we could have ever asked for. We would NOT have gotten through this without all of you, and we could never thank you enough for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. <3

Becky March 6, 2015 at 7:56 pm

I am so so sorry my friend. Infertility sucks, but miscarriage is its own special kind of hell. I am thinking of you two and your angel baby and sending so much light and love your way.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: